Things with my little house are coming together slowly. I have no reason to expect any different, because I keep leaving town, and when here I keep finding more compelling activities than drilling wood into steel. Though screw by screw a foundation is taking form. I am a few steps from getting to spread the boxes of sheep’s wool for the floor insulation, which I am eager to do. As I push along through these first steps, I am fighting the urge to rush through it. I have taken no short cuts, and am trying to relish the moments before my house has walls. We have a long ways to go together, and if I am present to the build, my hope is that it will build me in return.

What is this thing we call a foundation? Physically it is the lowest structure of a building, the base, the legs, the division between the human creation and the great mystery’s. It gets us off of the earth and into our homes, offices, anything. Every building needs one, and so does every person. It is easy to discern a strong foundation for a house, there is a code that says what do. A system to follow, to make sure that our buildings are safe. Easy enough. Now the human foundation, the basis for which we build our lives, is equally important to the structures we fabricate. The structure is woven by our skills and experiences, the relationships of all kinds. It is our masterpiece and if we don’t take the time to build a strong foundation everything we build can fall apart. Though we still have all the pieces, when things lose form we get lost as well. Then we must rebuild.

I seem to always have had a vision of what I would like my life to be. I can rake together enough to get there, to live on a farm on the ocean, to be on a sailboat in the Caribbean, in a tent in the woods… I am fearless in taking the leaps that land me in obscure places. Though I don’t feel that I have taken the time to indulge entirely each of these moments in my life. I was so eager to be out in the world at a young age that I never had much of a grounding any place. This last year being back in my hometown has been an interesting awakening. A shifting has happened inside of me and I want to build this shelter of my Self better, to do it right and proper. I want to take the time it takes, and allow for every part of me get what it needs.

When I comb through the reasons as to what made me pour all of my savings and the next year or so of my life into this project, so much comes up and things sometimes surprise me. In some ways to exercise my spirit, while still living in one place I need a project larger than me. I need something that I cannot get out of, that requires me to learn and build and grow. This house demands me to be present and active in my future, while forcing me to not venture far. I have broken a heavy pattern by just staying in one place for a year, and there are so many things to work on in myself in the building of this house. I have to do everything step by step, I cannot skip around, bail, or be lazy. I want this challenge to make me better, I want to believe in myself, to be capable of more. Working on oneself is not easy and often not enjoyable work, and the same goes for the making of this house.  The project is just beginning, or perhaps has been going for a long time. Though first and foremost I must make my foundation.

Advertisements