Yesterday evening in hot yoga I came unstuck in time. I was slipping my hands under my feet for a juicy stretch in gorilla pose when I noticed a cut inside my big toe that still hadn’t healed from Turks and Caicos. My thoughts left the yoga room as I remembered slicing it on a beach stick at Long Bay. The cut was minor and had started healing instantly from the salty water. It was inconveniently located between my toes so though I hardly saw it I could feel it. Seeing my little cut got my wheels turning in my head, which is discouraged during your yoga practice. Too late, I had already abandoned my body in the room.
The island part of my life was not as far behind me as it feels, and my little cut still remembered. My tanned skin is fading with each shower, my boat bruises are mostly gone, and all but a few of my cuts have scarred over. I’ve unpacked my stiff salty clothes, and they have amalgamated with the remnants of my old closet. Looking through them is a stifling reminder I need to go to the thrifty for some fresh looks. I need to open a new chapter, not start back where I left off. I turned 25 last Saturday. Twen-ty Fiiiive. I’m still trying it on. Been working on my posture, and bought mascara for the first time ever. I accidentally got brown instead of black, who knew it came in different colors. I am in full acceptance that I have no idea whats next, which is kind of exciting.
Arriving back home I worried I would be back where I started. Though yes, literally speaking, I am where I started. However, being back in my old room is not as defeating as I thought it would be. In fact quite the opposite. I feel like I have been let free of old habits, and am seeing a familiar place differently for the first time. This past year was rich with lessons, that I am taking my time to sort through. Something I recently read resonated with me, and with my arrival home. It was that ‘those who look outward dream and those that look inward awaken.’ I admittedly am a dreamer, and it has served me okay so far. It has kept me moving around and challenged. I like being on the move, but I’ve recognized I need a more solid foundation. A purpose behind my movements. Perhaps I could cultivate within me a steady peacefulness. A serene and open connection with my mind, body and soul. Since coming home I have picked back up my yoga practice with a renewed dedication. I have been reading about Ayurvedic cooking, and am able to listen to my body for the first time in a while. Within a week I have a warmth and happiness inside me that keeps building. I am a firm believer that we are not our Selfs without our health. Without our mind body soul connection we are blocked from expressing our full and authentic uniqueness. I had wanted so much to avoid the crash landing back into my parents house. Though I am happy to say, I think I am right where I’m supposed to be.