I caught myself jumping into an old pattern, one where I know how it ends and I want to break out of. In the heat of transition I took on too much. Two new jobs, when one isn’t even finished, turned out to be overkill. I had to turn down the second job, on account of I just get too dang excited and forget that I can only be in one place at a time. Working is familiar, I like it and starting new jobs is always fun. However I think I need to learn how to just kick it a little more. All those things I’ve been fantasizing about doing while I’ve been hula-hoe-ing the salad mix beds at the farm I have a chance to do. I need to just get by this summer without dipping into the travel funds, and will be keeping a job selling local arts and crafts a few days a week. Leaving room and time to explore the island. Not sure what it is in me that loves to overload myself, but I’m ready to let that go. The right opportunities will come, and when they do it won’t be forced, or stressful. Practicing patience is hard on all fronts for me, but especially when it comes to life plans. I’ve programmed myself to operate on time limits, perhaps patience is part of the de-programming. To unlearn the notion of constant progress and linear motion. Time to sink into me as a human BEing, rather than just a human DOing. I can’t help but think of a horse taking off unexpectedly and trying to scramble to gather the reigns..as a metaphor for what I was just doing. Reeling it back in though, close call.

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