Various times over the years I get the urge to cut my hair off. Not a clean buzz, but the average boy length I’d say. As a little girl I had short hair, and was often mistaken for a boy. After the years of confusion I grew it out, and haven’t cut it short since. But the urge does come up now and again, and it came on last week. I decided it was time to do it. My hair was just getting longer and more tangly by the day and I began to call into question what has been holding me back from doing it all this time. Most or all of it is fear. Fear of it being ugly, or badly done. The attachment to my long hair, that took so long to grow. I started to sink into those thoughts and realized that I needed to overcome them. That cutting my hair could be my personal right of passage into this next chapter of my life. I considered my options for a few days, but the salons on the island are few and far between. After more deliberation I realized I needed to cut it myself. Yesterday evening I spent the afternoon gathering malabar chestnuts, and decided it was now or never. I chilled some champagne, recruited some farm friends and had a hair cut party at my container pad. (I live in a shipping container). I did the first few chunks, then Sarah Matt and Chuck each took a turn. I wanted it to be more of an art project than a haircut. I wanted no attachment to the outcome, just to let go of my hair. For me my hair represented an ideal of fitting in, the social feminine standard of long flowing hair. Chopping it off was my personal rebellion. So my hair took on many forms as of yesterday, I left a piece long as an ode to what once was, and the sides are uneven because Chuck insisted Asymmetry is in. There is a bit of a mohawk situation happening as well. But I love it. I felt freer today, lighter, more rugged and  a new kind of feminine. One that comes from within rather than without. I don’t need pretty hair to feel beautiful, I realized. Also Sarah made a good point in saying “It’s nice to know when people look at you they can already tell your not normal.”